...based on the example of the current major projects in Minneapolis and St. Paul. For the purposes of brevity in the references, each example will be accorded the following letter:
A -
The NicolletB -
The Sexton IIC -
The CarlyleD -
SkyscapeE -
The IVYF -
The PenfieldG -
Two Twenty TwoH -
East Bank MillsObviously, the major goal we have in mind here is to make the visitor's experience of the website as painful and frustrating as possible. The internet provides an excellent tool for the dissemination of useful information, and your number one goal is to undercut this potential to the best of your abilities. Here are some pointers to get you started:
-Never, ever update your website [A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H]. To mix things up, you could try starting a blog and never update it [A], or you can have a 'press' section and never update it [F], or perhaps a little page dedicated to current events and never update that [B,D]. Lots of strategies can work, just be sure that repeat visits to your site will not yield the reader any new information.
-Make sure it is very difficult to obtain contact information for your development. Ideally, the visitor should be forced to provide you with private and personal information before they can obtain anything so simple as an email address [B,C,D,E,F,G,H]. Be sure that there is no privacy guarantee attached to this personal information, so that anybody who is curious about the project will be afraid to sign up for fear of having their information sold to marketers. Also, try to have
lots of fields to fill in.
-If at all possible, try to include some pop-up windows into the site [B,C]. Everybody loves pop-ups!
-Try to go as long as possible without providing any images of what the development will look like when completed. Once you have been forced to display images, it's a good idea to use outdated renderings that have been rejected and that are in no way indicative of the current design [B,G]. If you absolutely must use a current design, at least be sure that you don't show viewers all sides of the project [A,C,D,E,F,H]. Nothing makes people want to buy into about a project like a having the look of several of the elevations be a complete mystery until the project is finished. Also, try to make the images as small as possible [E,G,H].
-Once construction is underway, you might feel some urge to post photos of the project. Resist this urge if you can [D], but at the very least make sure that the photos are out of date [C,E]. No webcams!
-Make sure the wording of your project description is embarrassingly hyperbolic. Tell people your cheap-looking concrete slab "is the perfect balance of form and function [D]." Make sure the readers are painfully aware that you consider them to be a complete idiot. Another choice example: "You are the entrepreneurs of today and the headline makers of tomorrow. You know that 'dot.com' is no longer inextricably linked to the word 'bubble.' You are cool, cosmopolitan, connected. You embrace the heartbeat of the city and you cherish its diversity. Your living space is as genuine and innovative as your lifestyle [B]." Perfect! Try to use this kind of mixture of condescension and cluelessness.
-Finally, the last thing you would ever want is for potential buyers to advocate for your project on your behalf. Is there a City Council or Zoning Commission meeting planned that will decide the fate of your project? Shhh! Don't announce it! Was there a meeting just recently that resulted in serious changes to the site plan? Don't tell anyone about that, either [B,F,G,H]. Remember, your potential buyers are obviously morons who don't care about the democratic process! Of course, as long as you aren't updating the site as recommended above, none of this will be an issue. Good luck marketing your project in the Twin Cities!
